Recently, I fell in Love!
I fell in Love with Diana Ross, Smokey Robinson, Martha Reeves, Eddie Kendricks and Mary Wells.
Again!
I loved them when I was young. They were my idols. I knew all the words to almost all their songs; my sister and I would perform spontaneous duets.
I watched old clips of their live performances on YouTube, singing and performing their greatest hits while in their prime. I saw the world premier of "Stop - In the Name of Love', "Oooh, Baby, Baby" and "Nowhere to Run", among many others, for hours.
Thank God for YouTube.
I had no idea how great they were until I watched those videos. I used to listen to their records while looking at their album covers, imagining I was watching them perform.
As Marvin Gaye and Tammy Terrell once sang, "Ain't Nothin' Like the Real Thang, Baby."
What moved me was their Love for what they did and their obvious commitment to excellence. Their performances were stunning!
They were the picture of confidence. They overflowed with charisma. Their vocal quality and technique were beyond reproach.
Smokey owned the room with elegance and care. He owned the camera, the audience, the song, the stage and the Miracles. Diana never stopped smiling. I could hear her smile with every syllable. She played with us and told stories as if she lived them.
Maybe she did, maybe she didn't.
But there was much more to them than even that.
Those performers appeared to be transparent vessels of their craft, a conduit of excellence with no concern for anything other than sharing their Love for what they were doing with us.
They looked like there was no other place they'd rather be. And the more they Loved what they were doing the more we Loved them.
Speaking for myself, I felt like they reached into a higher realm of existence and with their performances, showed me what that higher realm looked, felt and sounded like.
They lifted me up. How could I not Love them for that?
To me, greatness and excellence - in any arena - seem to have a common theme: they exhibit and bring forth the presence of Love.
The athlete, the singer, the writer and the architect Love what they do so much they can't help but constantly raise their standards, caring for what they do the way most of us care for our children - sometimes more.
Their Love for what they do gets all over me and I Love it!
Whenever I have an opportunity to see or experience excellence I'm interested even if I don't know what it's about.
I don't know if philosophers or great thinkers throughout time have expressed what I'm about to say but here's what I think: I think it's impossible to be great at something without Loving it. I think we Love greatness and excellence because of the Love expressed, not because of the greatness or the excellence.
And we want the Love!
The experience of Love is such a relatively rare occurrence in a world permeated with doubt, fear and cynicism. Survival seems to trump Love.
What a shame.
I suggest we trump Survival with Love.
I suggest we look at the Love already surrounding us. Let's look at what others Love and honor them for it. Let's see what we Love and get lost in it. Let's share what we Love with others so they get to experience Love and be inspired to do the same.
It's been said that if you see someone without a smile, give them one of yours. Well, the same can be said about Love: if you see someone who doesn't Love their life, share what you Love about your life with them.
Like a smile, the more Love we give the more Love there is to go around.
You know what "they" say - what goes around, comes around.
What do you want coming back to you?
Saturday, September 13, 2008
Sunday, September 7, 2008
The Exaltation ofThe Mundane
I was recently on a train going home towards the end of rush hour. The train wasn't so crowded that I had elbows in my back but it was too crowded to expect to get a seat before the train got to my destination.
I stood against a door looking around aimlessly while waiting for my stop.
Suddenly, I noticed a well dressed man with a backpack on, holding onto a pole as he stood.
He also had crutches and stood about 4 feet tall.
Without knowing anything about his background, circumstances or history I had the thought that he may have been born that way. I also imagined he may have been a lawyer or financial person based on his appearance and way of being. He looked well-to-do.
He also looked like he was used to being stared at.
After someone graciously gave him a seat, he was no longer in my line of sight.
So, I went back to aimlessly looking around. I still had a few stops to go before getting off.
Shortly after he sat down, I noticed a man leaning against another train door opposite me. He looked like an Adonis: about 6'2", flat stomach, great hair, casual but well dressed, handsome - the kind of guy women would chase. I guessed he was Spanish but of course, it was pure speculation.
He looked completely bored as he read his magazine.
I think that's why I noticed him. I could feel his boredom from across the train car.
As the train approached the next station, the little man prepared to get off. I found myself looking at both men, first one, then the other, not quite present to the fact that I was doing that or why.
All of a sudden I had a thought: The man with the crutches was the luckiest guy on the train.
He was the luckiest guy on the train because he had the capacity to enjoy everything. He gained that capacity because in his predicament, he could never take anything for granted.
He could look at a great looking, healthy male and appreciate that man's health and looks.
He could appreciate his own financial well being because it made his life so much easier.
He could appreciate his friends because he knows they're true friends - they're not his "friend" because of how he looks or what he can do. They get to know the real person he is.
He had the gift of appreciation.
Of course, I know I made up this entire story in my head. I don't know if any of it is true or not. What I do know is that I'll never know.
And, it doesn't matter.
What matters is that I got something from it: that I have access to blessings in my life just by appreciating the blessings I already have: my health, my intelligence, my relationships and the world around me.
Being in their presence expanded my capacity to be appreciative.
One of my biggest sources of appreciation is Nature. Nature fascinates me.
My latest fascination with Nature these days are Trees. I can't stop asking myself, "How does God make trees? How did God even come up with the idea? Trees are so stationary, yet fully alive. They're so fundamentally different than Humans, Bats, Caterpillars, Whales and Mountains."
Thank God for Trees!
My fascination with Trees has temporarily overshadowed my fascination with Squirrels and Birds.
Squirrels and Birds remind me that God is alive and well and appears to be having a great time. They entertain and amaze me.
Squirrels fascinate me because they move so fast, can eat hanging upside down from a tree and copulate from start to finish before I can walk across a street!
Birds fascinate me because they can fly. They eat all day. They can sit still on a wire for hours. They live in Trees.
Fascinating.
It's been said, "Seek and Ye shall find, Ask and it is given, Knock and the door shall be opened unto you." I understand that to mean whatever we're looking for, we will find. If we're looking for what's wrong we'll find it. If we're looking for what's right we'll find that. If we look for Love and what's Loving, we'll find that too.
I stood against a door looking around aimlessly while waiting for my stop.
Suddenly, I noticed a well dressed man with a backpack on, holding onto a pole as he stood.
He also had crutches and stood about 4 feet tall.
Without knowing anything about his background, circumstances or history I had the thought that he may have been born that way. I also imagined he may have been a lawyer or financial person based on his appearance and way of being. He looked well-to-do.
He also looked like he was used to being stared at.
After someone graciously gave him a seat, he was no longer in my line of sight.
So, I went back to aimlessly looking around. I still had a few stops to go before getting off.
Shortly after he sat down, I noticed a man leaning against another train door opposite me. He looked like an Adonis: about 6'2", flat stomach, great hair, casual but well dressed, handsome - the kind of guy women would chase. I guessed he was Spanish but of course, it was pure speculation.
He looked completely bored as he read his magazine.
I think that's why I noticed him. I could feel his boredom from across the train car.
As the train approached the next station, the little man prepared to get off. I found myself looking at both men, first one, then the other, not quite present to the fact that I was doing that or why.
All of a sudden I had a thought: The man with the crutches was the luckiest guy on the train.
He was the luckiest guy on the train because he had the capacity to enjoy everything. He gained that capacity because in his predicament, he could never take anything for granted.
He could look at a great looking, healthy male and appreciate that man's health and looks.
He could appreciate his own financial well being because it made his life so much easier.
He could appreciate his friends because he knows they're true friends - they're not his "friend" because of how he looks or what he can do. They get to know the real person he is.
He had the gift of appreciation.
Of course, I know I made up this entire story in my head. I don't know if any of it is true or not. What I do know is that I'll never know.
And, it doesn't matter.
What matters is that I got something from it: that I have access to blessings in my life just by appreciating the blessings I already have: my health, my intelligence, my relationships and the world around me.
Being in their presence expanded my capacity to be appreciative.
One of my biggest sources of appreciation is Nature. Nature fascinates me.
My latest fascination with Nature these days are Trees. I can't stop asking myself, "How does God make trees? How did God even come up with the idea? Trees are so stationary, yet fully alive. They're so fundamentally different than Humans, Bats, Caterpillars, Whales and Mountains."
Thank God for Trees!
My fascination with Trees has temporarily overshadowed my fascination with Squirrels and Birds.
Squirrels and Birds remind me that God is alive and well and appears to be having a great time. They entertain and amaze me.
Squirrels fascinate me because they move so fast, can eat hanging upside down from a tree and copulate from start to finish before I can walk across a street!
Birds fascinate me because they can fly. They eat all day. They can sit still on a wire for hours. They live in Trees.
Fascinating.
It's been said, "Seek and Ye shall find, Ask and it is given, Knock and the door shall be opened unto you." I understand that to mean whatever we're looking for, we will find. If we're looking for what's wrong we'll find it. If we're looking for what's right we'll find that. If we look for Love and what's Loving, we'll find that too.
So, what are you looking for?
And, what do you keep finding?
And, what do you keep finding?
Thursday, September 4, 2008
One Fine Tuesday Morning
One fine Tuesday morning I woke up tempted to "play hookey" from work.
I went anyway.
I followed my morning routine to the letter: rode a Jersey City bus to the PATH train station and headed for Manhattan. I then got breakfast before going upstairs - a ham and cheese croissant and a vanilla cappuccino, light and sweet.
I got in an empty elevator and pushed the 15th floor button.
Just before the door closed a nice looking woman got on and pressed 14. We smiled at each other and then ignored each other, honoring the Elevator Etiquette Act of 1937.
She got off on 14. The door closed and the elevator rose towards 15.
All of a sudden, there was an explosive wind tunnel in the elevator shaft!
The elevator was swinging from side to side and I thought, "That's weird - it's not bumping up against anything. The walls must be moving - THAT'S NOT GOOD!"
Everything in me screamed, "GET ME OFF THIS ELEVATOR!"
The elevator doors opened on 15. When I stepped out, I saw all 6 elevator doors moving from the wind in their shafts.
At that point, I had some serious concerns. Concerns like, "What the heck was going on?" and "How the $#@% am I supposed to clean up the dust from the sheet rock in the middle of the office?"
I could tell I was the first one in but I still looked around - I could have been wrong.
I wasn't.
I was wondering what to do when I heard footsteps in a nearby staircase and thought, 'That's a good idea!"
So I went into a staircase on the 15th floor of 1 World Trade Center on September 11th, 2001 at about 8:50am.
The staircase was crowded and no one was moving; there were only 3 staircases servicing the entire 110 story building.
Of course, the builders couldn't have imagined what happened that day was even possible.
I still hadn't eaten my croissant and cappuccino so when I was instructed to go into the nearest re-entry floor, I sat on someone's desktop and annoyingly had my breakfast. As I was finishing, someone shouted, "Everything is OK - a plane hit the building."
We thought Cessna, not 747.
A few minutes later, another crash occurred and we knew it was time to get out.
It took another 40 minutes before I actually got to the street. As I was approaching Broadway and John Street I turned and then I saw....
The fires.
Until then, I didn't know the impact of what happened. Now I did.
The fires covered 10 flights or more and emitted a tremendous amount of thick black smoke. I knew firemen couldn't get to the fires because it was too high up; there's no "Cherry Picker" or hydrants with enough water pressure to put out fires 80 stories high.
I walked away trying to hide my tears because I knew people were dead in a fire of that magnitude that early in the morning.
As I walked uptown on Broadway past City Hall, I marveled at the clarity of the sky. It was a picture perfect day - not a cloud in the sky.
Other than planes crashing into the Towers, it was a beautiful day.
I visited friends who worked at 75 Varick Street near Canal Street. I needed a place to go because all mass transit stopped and I lived in New Jersey.
As we were talking, someone mentioned that it looked like one of the Towers wasn't there anymore.
That was not possible! They must be mistaken.
I had to check that out so I walked 5 blocks to the Westside Highway. I looked and sure enough, there was only 1 building standing.
Now I was devastated!
I walked back to Varick Street and noticed a strangeness in people's faces that wasn't there before I went to the Westside Highway. Something told me to turn and look - sure enough, the other building collapsed as well.
How could that be? I'd only walked for like 3 minutes!
Around 12 noon the police evacuated the entire area below 14th Street so I walked up Broadway towards a supervisor's home in Midtown. It was at least an hour walk but since no mass transit was running and no taxis available, I took the hike. .
As I approached Astor Place near 8th Street, a question ran across my mind: If what Napoleon Hill (The author of 'Think and Grow Rich') said was true when he stated, "Every adversity, every failure, every heartache carries with it the seed on an equal or greater benefit.", then what is the benefit of this disaster?
I got my answer in about 15 minutes.
I walked past Beth Israel Hospital on 16th Street and 1st Avenue and saw a line circling the entire block to 17th Street and 2nd Avenue.
They were giving blood. Spontaneously.
The answer I got was despite the ugliness that just happened, People are Loving. Our first instinct is to help, to save, to make a difference and to care.
I believe the benefit from the Twin Towers disaster is that it brought Humanity closer together. We can't deny our interconnectedness. We're all in this boat together. Our economies, our environments, our health and well being, our communication, our technology, our lifestyles are all merging in such a way that the differences between us are shrinking even as our diversity becomes richer and more beautiful.
As our diversity flourishes and our similarity becomes more and more evident, people will begin to see themselves in others. It's already
happening sporadically.
I believe that in 100 years, people will be walking around experiencing Love at first sight. They'll understand they're seeing another person as
beautiful as they.
That's because Love was there the whole time.
Of course, that's just my opinion, but heck - do you have a better one?
..
I went anyway.
I followed my morning routine to the letter: rode a Jersey City bus to the PATH train station and headed for Manhattan. I then got breakfast before going upstairs - a ham and cheese croissant and a vanilla cappuccino, light and sweet.
I got in an empty elevator and pushed the 15th floor button.
Just before the door closed a nice looking woman got on and pressed 14. We smiled at each other and then ignored each other, honoring the Elevator Etiquette Act of 1937.
She got off on 14. The door closed and the elevator rose towards 15.
All of a sudden, there was an explosive wind tunnel in the elevator shaft!
The elevator was swinging from side to side and I thought, "That's weird - it's not bumping up against anything. The walls must be moving - THAT'S NOT GOOD!"
Everything in me screamed, "GET ME OFF THIS ELEVATOR!"
The elevator doors opened on 15. When I stepped out, I saw all 6 elevator doors moving from the wind in their shafts.
At that point, I had some serious concerns. Concerns like, "What the heck was going on?" and "How the $#@% am I supposed to clean up the dust from the sheet rock in the middle of the office?"
I could tell I was the first one in but I still looked around - I could have been wrong.
I wasn't.
I was wondering what to do when I heard footsteps in a nearby staircase and thought, 'That's a good idea!"
So I went into a staircase on the 15th floor of 1 World Trade Center on September 11th, 2001 at about 8:50am.
The staircase was crowded and no one was moving; there were only 3 staircases servicing the entire 110 story building.
Of course, the builders couldn't have imagined what happened that day was even possible.
I still hadn't eaten my croissant and cappuccino so when I was instructed to go into the nearest re-entry floor, I sat on someone's desktop and annoyingly had my breakfast. As I was finishing, someone shouted, "Everything is OK - a plane hit the building."
We thought Cessna, not 747.
A few minutes later, another crash occurred and we knew it was time to get out.
It took another 40 minutes before I actually got to the street. As I was approaching Broadway and John Street I turned and then I saw....
The fires.
Until then, I didn't know the impact of what happened. Now I did.
The fires covered 10 flights or more and emitted a tremendous amount of thick black smoke. I knew firemen couldn't get to the fires because it was too high up; there's no "Cherry Picker" or hydrants with enough water pressure to put out fires 80 stories high.
I walked away trying to hide my tears because I knew people were dead in a fire of that magnitude that early in the morning.
As I walked uptown on Broadway past City Hall, I marveled at the clarity of the sky. It was a picture perfect day - not a cloud in the sky.
Other than planes crashing into the Towers, it was a beautiful day.
I visited friends who worked at 75 Varick Street near Canal Street. I needed a place to go because all mass transit stopped and I lived in New Jersey.
As we were talking, someone mentioned that it looked like one of the Towers wasn't there anymore.
That was not possible! They must be mistaken.
I had to check that out so I walked 5 blocks to the Westside Highway. I looked and sure enough, there was only 1 building standing.
Now I was devastated!
I walked back to Varick Street and noticed a strangeness in people's faces that wasn't there before I went to the Westside Highway. Something told me to turn and look - sure enough, the other building collapsed as well.
How could that be? I'd only walked for like 3 minutes!
Around 12 noon the police evacuated the entire area below 14th Street so I walked up Broadway towards a supervisor's home in Midtown. It was at least an hour walk but since no mass transit was running and no taxis available, I took the hike. .
As I approached Astor Place near 8th Street, a question ran across my mind: If what Napoleon Hill (The author of 'Think and Grow Rich') said was true when he stated, "Every adversity, every failure, every heartache carries with it the seed on an equal or greater benefit.", then what is the benefit of this disaster?
I got my answer in about 15 minutes.
I walked past Beth Israel Hospital on 16th Street and 1st Avenue and saw a line circling the entire block to 17th Street and 2nd Avenue.
They were giving blood. Spontaneously.
The answer I got was despite the ugliness that just happened, People are Loving. Our first instinct is to help, to save, to make a difference and to care.
I believe the benefit from the Twin Towers disaster is that it brought Humanity closer together. We can't deny our interconnectedness. We're all in this boat together. Our economies, our environments, our health and well being, our communication, our technology, our lifestyles are all merging in such a way that the differences between us are shrinking even as our diversity becomes richer and more beautiful.
As our diversity flourishes and our similarity becomes more and more evident, people will begin to see themselves in others. It's already
happening sporadically.
I believe that in 100 years, people will be walking around experiencing Love at first sight. They'll understand they're seeing another person as
beautiful as they.
That's because Love was there the whole time.
Of course, that's just my opinion, but heck - do you have a better one?
..
Monday, September 1, 2008
Surprise, Surprise, Surprise
Recently, I was a volunteer at a 3 day Men’s Empowerment course. The course is both conversational and experiential and is intended to introduce Mature Masculinity and Legacy to the participants.
The course delivers - men of all ages grew up last weekend.
Including me.
During one of the exercises, men were invited to share their past.
One man shared about being publicly rejected in a particularly painful manner.
As he shared his story, I became less and less able to hear him. I felt a deep, immediate sadness followed by uncontrollable crying. I couldn’t hold it back.
It took a moment to realize what I was crying about - but when I did, I was shocked.
I was crying over a conversation that happened 29 years ago.
The conversation occurred when I was hanging out with my high school sweetheart, her best friend and her boyfriend. During this particular conversation I said - in an assumptive, matter-of-fact manner, “So when we get married…”
She interrupted me by saying, “Oh, no - I’m not getting married anytime soon!”
WHAT???
I was crushed.
I just assumed we were getting married in a few years.
I looked at her and thought, “We’ve been inseparable for 3 years! We get along great! We love each other! We’ve never even had an argument! What else are we gonna do? If we ain’t getting married, what’s the point in being together?”
I didn’t realize “anytime soon” didn’t mean “never” until years later.
When she said that, I immediately went numb. It happened so quick, I didn’t even know I did that until hearing that man’s story.
We talked about it afterwards but I never recovered.
That conversation and the next 29 years instantly and completely flashed before my eyes while he shared.
I’ve often thought about that moment because - in retrospect - that was the end of the relationship. It took another 18 months for us to completely stop seeing each other but like the Titanic, it was over at the moment of impact.
Neither of us knew that at the time - especially me.
From that point on, I made sure that women were head over heels about me before I made a move because I wasn’t giving my heart over to someone and have it broken again.
Nope, nope, nope!
If I met someone I thought I COULD love, I wouldn’t let myself be caught dead in her vicinity and if she wasn’t working hard to get with me it was never going to happen.
I’ve shared this story with people in my life over the years. I was saddened by it but it was just another sad thing that happened to me. I didn’t feel the pain until he started talking.
It’s a good thing I felt the pain before I knew why I felt it. If the pain had not snuck up on me like that, it may have been buried for another 29 years. I certainly wasn’t looking for it or trying to work on it because again, I didn’t know it was there.
It was bad enough that I didn’t know how deeply that incident hurt me. What was worse was how that incident invisibly controlled my entire life.
I cried because I realized I’d never be happy unless I stopped believing I had to get rid of people before they got rid of me.
I cried because I realized I’d never be successful as long as I settled for less than my highest desires.
I cried because I realized how much I sold myself out to avoid pain - I’d rather be numb than hurt. In the process, I’d never really live - I’d die with my music in me, unplayed.
I don’t know if I ever would’ve released the pain I felt from that conversation if I didn’t give myself over in service to men committed to being the best they can be. I probably would’ve been doing whatever I was doing the last 29 years that kept this pain hidden from my view.
What I do know is that I now have one less obstacle in my way on the path to a life of Love, Success and Happiness.
It’s taken me a long time to Love myself. Some people never do. I know that if I didn’t Love myself I would never have the courage to risk again.
It’s been said that the higher the risk, the greater the reward.
Living scared is not really living.
There’s no Love in Fear.
Saturday, August 30, 2008
The Color Blue
My favorite color is Blue. I don't know why - I just like it.
I wear Blue shirts as often as I can get away with it. This blog has lots of Blue in it. So does my newsletter. I'm just naturally pulled to Blue.
Fortunately, there's lots of Blue things around: the sky, water, cars, clothing - you get the point. So, I get to be happy all day long because I see my favorite color all day long.
There's an interesting thing about the color Blue beyond the fact that it's my favorite color - it's not any other color. Oh, it has various shades and tints like Navy Blue, Midnight Blue, Aqua Blue and Light Blue but the main thing is that it's always only Blue.
I don't like Red as much but it's the same thing. It's always only Red.
Now, you may have noticed that I'm always writing about Love because I'm committed to being Loving as a State of Mind and a Way of Life. That means no matter how I feel, I'm committed to being Loving with whomever I'm interacting with - even if they're not being Loving with me. I'm committed to Loving everything that happens to me - even things I don't particularly care for or want. I'm committed to Loving me - even when I screw up and want to beat myself up for it.
So what does one thing have to do with the other?
Well, Love is just like Blue - it's always only Love. If it's not Love then it's something else.
Put another way, we're never experiencing “not something” - we're experiencing something we probably don't like but it's NOT a “not”.
If we're feeling an absence of Love, we're actually feeling something other than Love. We're not actually feeling an absence of Love - we're feeling angry, sad, depressed, disappointed or something else, but it's not an absence of Love - we're experiencing the presence of something other than Love.
To be more precise, Love never disappears - it is what it is and there's no place for Love to go. However, it is entirely possible for some other quality to become more present based on our level of awareness in the moment.
If Love is always there, we can find it no mater how things look. We can look for something to Love about the people in our lives and remember that when we're not experiencing Love we're experiencing something else but Love is still totally available. All we have to do is look for it.
In relationships, not understanding this fact can produce lots of problems.
Actually, it already does. Allow me to explain.
We always get what we focus on - we're just not usually clear on what we're actually focusing on in the moment. For example, if we're focused on knowing whether we can trust someone or not, what method do we actually use? Do we look at their actions? Do we look at their past? Do we compare how they're being in relationship to the people and experiences of our past? If we're doing this, are we looking for reasons to trust them or are we looking for reasons to prevent untrustworthy people from being in our life?
If we're looking to prevent untrustworthy people from entering and negatively affecting our lives, is that the same thing as looking for Love? Is that the same thing as seeing Love wherever you look?
Hmmm....
If we always get what we're looking for then we'd have a problem because what we'd be looking for in that situation is someone to avoid. The problem: we'd have to find them in order to avoid them. We'd have to place them somewhere in our life so we could avoid them. That puts them in our life.
Yep - the very thing we don't want.
That's because Distrust is as much a State of Mind and a Way of Life as Love is. Distrust is as everywhere as Love is or Blue is.
Going back to the color Blue, here's another interesting thing I've noticed: anything and everything can be Blue. No matter what form Blue comes in, it's always Blue. Blue cars, homes, clothing - the common denominator is Blue. The same with Love or Distrust - we'll never run out of ways to express or experience them.
I'm happy about this because that means I can experience Love in any and every way possible. Heck - I can even Love people, if I want to. I find it quite enjoyable, personally.
I can Love people who do not Love me, who treat me poorly, who give me a hard time - I don't even need to know who they are to Love them.
That's because Love just IS.
One last thing: we're never running out of Love any more than we're going to run out of Blue. It's never going to disappear. We may choose to experience some other way of being like fear, anger, distrust or guilt but Love will be waiting for us when we're ready. All we have to do is look for it.
Just like all the Blue cars we'd immediately notice after we bought our new Blue car, Love will be all around us like it's been there the whole time.
Because it has.
I wear Blue shirts as often as I can get away with it. This blog has lots of Blue in it. So does my newsletter. I'm just naturally pulled to Blue.
Fortunately, there's lots of Blue things around: the sky, water, cars, clothing - you get the point. So, I get to be happy all day long because I see my favorite color all day long.
There's an interesting thing about the color Blue beyond the fact that it's my favorite color - it's not any other color. Oh, it has various shades and tints like Navy Blue, Midnight Blue, Aqua Blue and Light Blue but the main thing is that it's always only Blue.
I don't like Red as much but it's the same thing. It's always only Red.
Now, you may have noticed that I'm always writing about Love because I'm committed to being Loving as a State of Mind and a Way of Life. That means no matter how I feel, I'm committed to being Loving with whomever I'm interacting with - even if they're not being Loving with me. I'm committed to Loving everything that happens to me - even things I don't particularly care for or want. I'm committed to Loving me - even when I screw up and want to beat myself up for it.
So what does one thing have to do with the other?
Well, Love is just like Blue - it's always only Love. If it's not Love then it's something else.
Put another way, we're never experiencing “not something” - we're experiencing something we probably don't like but it's NOT a “not”.
If we're feeling an absence of Love, we're actually feeling something other than Love. We're not actually feeling an absence of Love - we're feeling angry, sad, depressed, disappointed or something else, but it's not an absence of Love - we're experiencing the presence of something other than Love.
To be more precise, Love never disappears - it is what it is and there's no place for Love to go. However, it is entirely possible for some other quality to become more present based on our level of awareness in the moment.
If Love is always there, we can find it no mater how things look. We can look for something to Love about the people in our lives and remember that when we're not experiencing Love we're experiencing something else but Love is still totally available. All we have to do is look for it.
In relationships, not understanding this fact can produce lots of problems.
Actually, it already does. Allow me to explain.
We always get what we focus on - we're just not usually clear on what we're actually focusing on in the moment. For example, if we're focused on knowing whether we can trust someone or not, what method do we actually use? Do we look at their actions? Do we look at their past? Do we compare how they're being in relationship to the people and experiences of our past? If we're doing this, are we looking for reasons to trust them or are we looking for reasons to prevent untrustworthy people from being in our life?
If we're looking to prevent untrustworthy people from entering and negatively affecting our lives, is that the same thing as looking for Love? Is that the same thing as seeing Love wherever you look?
Hmmm....
If we always get what we're looking for then we'd have a problem because what we'd be looking for in that situation is someone to avoid. The problem: we'd have to find them in order to avoid them. We'd have to place them somewhere in our life so we could avoid them. That puts them in our life.
Yep - the very thing we don't want.
That's because Distrust is as much a State of Mind and a Way of Life as Love is. Distrust is as everywhere as Love is or Blue is.
Going back to the color Blue, here's another interesting thing I've noticed: anything and everything can be Blue. No matter what form Blue comes in, it's always Blue. Blue cars, homes, clothing - the common denominator is Blue. The same with Love or Distrust - we'll never run out of ways to express or experience them.
I'm happy about this because that means I can experience Love in any and every way possible. Heck - I can even Love people, if I want to. I find it quite enjoyable, personally.
I can Love people who do not Love me, who treat me poorly, who give me a hard time - I don't even need to know who they are to Love them.
That's because Love just IS.
One last thing: we're never running out of Love any more than we're going to run out of Blue. It's never going to disappear. We may choose to experience some other way of being like fear, anger, distrust or guilt but Love will be waiting for us when we're ready. All we have to do is look for it.
Just like all the Blue cars we'd immediately notice after we bought our new Blue car, Love will be all around us like it's been there the whole time.
Because it has.
Thursday, August 28, 2008
The Context is Decisive
"It's not what you look like, when you're doin' what you doin'
It's what you're doin',
when you're doin', what you look like you're doin'
Express Yourself!"
Lyrics from the 1970 R&B Hit, "Express Yourself " by Charles Wright and the 103rd Street Band
A few years ago I worked as a Facilities Manager for an international corporation. The job was very difficult for me, mainly because I was the sloppiest, most disorganized person I knew - by a lot!
Since I didn't know what I was doing it was no surprise my supervisor was constantly upset with me, I was tired and people complained about the place all the doggone time. I was beating myself up and making everything and everyone wrong all at the same time.
Other than that, everything was great.
One Friday night my supervisor called me over to one of our 3 kitchen areas and said, "Get in that @#%${&* kitchen and don't come out until you know I won't be able to find anything wrong!"
Well! Hmmmff!! Who does she think she is, talking to me like that?
Of course, I didn't say any of that to her.
I took it on the chin because I trusted her. She was a great trainer and manager, she was as compassionate as she could be with me and her patience was much deeper and stronger than was mine. So I did as I was told.
Around 8pm, I began by washing dishes, which was stacked 2 feet above the rim of the sink. (disgusting!)
As I washed them, I noticed the drainer was getting full from the dishes I just washed so I put those dishes in the cabinets. Then I noticed the cabinets were overflowing and totally disorganized so I began rearranging the dishes in the cabinets. As I rearranged the dishes I noticed there were too many dishes in that cabinet so I began moving the dishes to another kitchen. Then, I began thinking it may be a good idea to match dishes and glassware. Then I noticed the flatware drawer was just as disorganized so I did the same thing with that. Then I noticed, then I noticed, then I noticed.....
After I washed the walls, placed the pens and pencils in one drawer and the menus in another and all the other stuff I now forgot I did, I finally finished cleaning that kitchen at 2am.
It took 6 hours to clean and organize a 8'x8' space!
During that time, something happened to me: I learned that I liked things clean and organized more than I hate doing the work to make it that way. I found that if I don't like doing something but I want the result, all I have to do is think about the result as I do it and the process that gets me my result becomes easier and can even be a joy because of the anxiously awaited outcome that's on the way.
To me, that means if I'm in a difficult situation with someone and I don't like what's happening, I can think about what I want to happen, be patient and loving with them (and myself) long enough and allow the Law of Attraction to create what I'm focusing on: creating a Loving interaction.
Or more.
I understood - for the first time - the phrase, "The Context is Decisive" because as soon as I shifted my attention, the chore became a joy. It became all about how can I do this better. I stopped complaining. I became generous by looking for how what I did would benefit others. I even thought that a sparkling environment would help people be in a better mood because they'd take on the characteristics of the kitchen - like how walking into a peaceful space helps us feel peaceful.
I saw that I could Love the process as well as the outcome of anything I choose.
I saw that Life is a series of processes and if I'm only looking for the end result I miss most of Life and by the time I get the outcome, it's already in the past.
In fact, the outcome is only as great as the process that led to it. We've all had results we've wanted and felt like, "Is that all there is to it?"
Now, all there is for me to do is to inspect myself around my context for doing anything.
If I can enjoy the process and enjoy the result, all I experience is enjoyment. That places me in complete control of my life, my relationships and my entire world.
I Love that!
It's what you're doin',
when you're doin', what you look like you're doin'
Express Yourself!"
Lyrics from the 1970 R&B Hit, "Express Yourself " by Charles Wright and the 103rd Street Band
A few years ago I worked as a Facilities Manager for an international corporation. The job was very difficult for me, mainly because I was the sloppiest, most disorganized person I knew - by a lot!
Since I didn't know what I was doing it was no surprise my supervisor was constantly upset with me, I was tired and people complained about the place all the doggone time. I was beating myself up and making everything and everyone wrong all at the same time.
Other than that, everything was great.
One Friday night my supervisor called me over to one of our 3 kitchen areas and said, "Get in that @#%${&* kitchen and don't come out until you know I won't be able to find anything wrong!"
Well! Hmmmff!! Who does she think she is, talking to me like that?
Of course, I didn't say any of that to her.
I took it on the chin because I trusted her. She was a great trainer and manager, she was as compassionate as she could be with me and her patience was much deeper and stronger than was mine. So I did as I was told.
Around 8pm, I began by washing dishes, which was stacked 2 feet above the rim of the sink. (disgusting!)
As I washed them, I noticed the drainer was getting full from the dishes I just washed so I put those dishes in the cabinets. Then I noticed the cabinets were overflowing and totally disorganized so I began rearranging the dishes in the cabinets. As I rearranged the dishes I noticed there were too many dishes in that cabinet so I began moving the dishes to another kitchen. Then, I began thinking it may be a good idea to match dishes and glassware. Then I noticed the flatware drawer was just as disorganized so I did the same thing with that. Then I noticed, then I noticed, then I noticed.....
After I washed the walls, placed the pens and pencils in one drawer and the menus in another and all the other stuff I now forgot I did, I finally finished cleaning that kitchen at 2am.
It took 6 hours to clean and organize a 8'x8' space!
During that time, something happened to me: I learned that I liked things clean and organized more than I hate doing the work to make it that way. I found that if I don't like doing something but I want the result, all I have to do is think about the result as I do it and the process that gets me my result becomes easier and can even be a joy because of the anxiously awaited outcome that's on the way.
To me, that means if I'm in a difficult situation with someone and I don't like what's happening, I can think about what I want to happen, be patient and loving with them (and myself) long enough and allow the Law of Attraction to create what I'm focusing on: creating a Loving interaction.
Or more.
I understood - for the first time - the phrase, "The Context is Decisive" because as soon as I shifted my attention, the chore became a joy. It became all about how can I do this better. I stopped complaining. I became generous by looking for how what I did would benefit others. I even thought that a sparkling environment would help people be in a better mood because they'd take on the characteristics of the kitchen - like how walking into a peaceful space helps us feel peaceful.
I saw that I could Love the process as well as the outcome of anything I choose.
I saw that Life is a series of processes and if I'm only looking for the end result I miss most of Life and by the time I get the outcome, it's already in the past.
In fact, the outcome is only as great as the process that led to it. We've all had results we've wanted and felt like, "Is that all there is to it?"
Now, all there is for me to do is to inspect myself around my context for doing anything.
If I can enjoy the process and enjoy the result, all I experience is enjoyment. That places me in complete control of my life, my relationships and my entire world.
I Love that!
Saturday, May 17, 2008
Love as a State of Mind and a Way of Life
I was reading something and I thought it was so powerful, rich and revealing I wanted to share it.
So I will.
"Love takes no position, and thus is global, rising above separation. It's then possible to be 'one with another,' for there is no longer any barriers. Love is therefore inclusive and expands the sense of self progressively. Love focuses on the goodness of life in all its expressions and augments that which is positive - it dissolves negativity by recontextualizing it, rather than by attacking it."
David R. Hawkins, M.D., Ph. D.
Author, Power vs. Force - pages 90 & 91
When I read that, I thought of my Mom, my best teachers, my dad, my high school sweetheart, my children - all those who loved me without looking for anything in return.
They all had weaknesses, foibles, distractions and things they didn't take responsibility for that left them disempowered. But in the end, when all was said and done, what I remember is the inclusiveness, the "barrier-less-ness" of the relationship, the intimacy, the goodness.
To me, those were moments of Love as a State of Mind and a Way of Life.
So I will.
"Love takes no position, and thus is global, rising above separation. It's then possible to be 'one with another,' for there is no longer any barriers. Love is therefore inclusive and expands the sense of self progressively. Love focuses on the goodness of life in all its expressions and augments that which is positive - it dissolves negativity by recontextualizing it, rather than by attacking it."
David R. Hawkins, M.D., Ph. D.
Author, Power vs. Force - pages 90 & 91
When I read that, I thought of my Mom, my best teachers, my dad, my high school sweetheart, my children - all those who loved me without looking for anything in return.
They all had weaknesses, foibles, distractions and things they didn't take responsibility for that left them disempowered. But in the end, when all was said and done, what I remember is the inclusiveness, the "barrier-less-ness" of the relationship, the intimacy, the goodness.
To me, those were moments of Love as a State of Mind and a Way of Life.
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