One Fine Tuesday Morning

One fine Tuesday morning I woke up tempted to "play hookey" from work.

I went anyway.

I followed my morning routine to the letter: rode a Jersey City bus to the PATH train station and headed for Manhattan. I then got breakfast before going upstairs - a ham and cheese croissant and a vanilla cappuccino, light and sweet.

I got in an empty elevator and pushed the 15th floor button.

Just before the door closed a nice looking woman got on and pressed 14. We smiled at each other and then ignored each other, honoring the Elevator Etiquette Act of 1937.

She got off on 14. The door closed and the elevator rose towards 15.

All of a sudden, there was an explosive wind tunnel in the elevator shaft!

The elevator was swinging from side to side and I thought, "That's weird - it's not bumping up against anything. The walls must be moving - THAT'S NOT GOOD!"

Everything in me screamed, "GET ME OFF THIS ELEVATOR!"

The elevator doors opened on 15. When I stepped out, I saw all 6 elevator doors moving from the wind in their shafts.

At that point, I had some serious concerns. Concerns like, "What the heck was going on?" and "How the $#@% am I supposed to clean up the dust from the sheet rock in the middle of the office?"

I could tell I was the first one in but I still looked around - I could have been wrong.

I wasn't.

I was wondering what to do when I heard footsteps in a nearby staircase and thought, 'That's a good idea!"

So I went into a staircase on the 15th floor of 1 World Trade Center on September 11th, 2001 at about 8:50am.

The staircase was crowded and no one was moving; there were only 3 staircases servicing the entire 110 story building.

Of course, the builders couldn't have imagined what happened that day was even possible.

I still hadn't eaten my croissant and cappuccino so when I was instructed to go into the nearest re-entry floor, I sat on someone's desktop and annoyingly had my breakfast. As I was finishing, someone shouted, "Everything is OK - a plane hit the building."

We thought Cessna, not 747.

A few minutes later, another crash occurred and we knew it was time to get out.

It took another 40 minutes before I actually got to the street. As I was approaching Broadway and John Street I turned and then I saw....

The fires.

Until then, I didn't know the impact of what happened. Now I did.

The fires covered 10 flights or more and emitted a tremendous amount of thick black smoke. I knew firemen couldn't get to the fires because it was too high up; there's no "Cherry Picker" or hydrants with enough water pressure to put out fires 80 stories high.

I walked away trying to hide my tears because I knew people were dead in a fire of that magnitude that early in the morning.

As I walked uptown on Broadway past City Hall, I marveled at the clarity of the sky. It was a picture perfect day - not a cloud in the sky.

Other than planes crashing into the Towers, it was a beautiful day.

I visited friends who worked at 75 Varick Street near Canal Street. I needed a place to go because all mass transit stopped and I lived in New Jersey.

As we were talking, someone mentioned that it looked like one of the Towers wasn't there anymore.

That was not possible! They must be mistaken.

I had to check that out so I walked 5 blocks to the Westside Highway. I looked and sure enough, there was only 1 building standing.

Now I was devastated!

I walked back to Varick Street and noticed a strangeness in people's faces that wasn't there before I went to the Westside Highway. Something told me to turn and look - sure enough, the other building collapsed as well.

How could that be? I'd only walked for like 3 minutes!

Around 12 noon the police evacuated the entire area below 14th Street so I walked up Broadway towards a supervisor's home in Midtown. It was at least an hour walk but since no mass transit was running and no taxis available, I took the hike. .

As I approached Astor Place near 8th Street, a question ran across my mind: If what Napoleon Hill (The author of 'Think and Grow Rich') said was true when he stated, "Every adversity, every failure, every heartache carries with it the seed on an equal or greater benefit.", then what is the benefit of this disaster?

I got my answer in about 15 minutes.

I walked past Beth Israel Hospital on 16th Street and 1st Avenue and saw a line circling the entire block to 17th Street and 2nd Avenue.

They were giving blood. Spontaneously.

The answer I got was despite the ugliness that just happened, People are Loving. Our first instinct is to help, to save, to make a difference and to care.

I believe the benefit from the Twin Towers disaster is that it brought Humanity closer together. We can't deny our interconnectedness. We're all in this boat together. Our economies, our environments, our health and well being, our communication, our technology, our lifestyles are all merging in such a way that the differences between us are shrinking even as our diversity becomes richer and more beautiful.

As our diversity flourishes and our similarity becomes more and more evident, people will begin to see themselves in others. It's already
happening sporadically.

I believe that in 100 years, people will be walking around experiencing Love at first sight. They'll understand they're seeing another person as
beautiful as they.

That's because Love was there the whole time.

Of course, that's just my opinion, but heck - do you have a better one?
..

The Context is Decisive

"It's not what you look like, when you're doin' what you doin'
It's what you're doin',
when you're doin', what you look like you're doin'
Express Yourself!"

Lyrics from the 1970 R&B Hit, "Express Yourself " by Charles Wright and the 103rd Street Band

A few years ago I worked as a Facilities Manager for an international corporation. The job was very difficult for me, mainly because I was the sloppiest, most disorganized person I knew - by a lot!

Since I didn't know what I was doing it was no surprise my supervisor was constantly upset with me, I was tired and people complained about the place all the doggone time. I was beating myself up and making everything and everyone wrong all at the same time.

Other than that, everything was great.

One Friday night my supervisor called me over to one of our 3 kitchen areas and said, "Get in that @#%${&* kitchen and don't come out until you know I won't be able to find anything wrong!"

Well! Hmmmff!! Who does she think she is, talking to me like that?

Of course, I didn't say any of that to her.

I took it on the chin because I trusted her. She was a great trainer and manager, she was as compassionate as she could be with me and her patience was much deeper and stronger than was mine. So I did as I was told.

Around 8pm, I began by washing dishes, which was stacked 2 feet above the rim of the sink. (disgusting!)

As I washed them, I noticed the drainer was getting full from the dishes I just washed so I put those dishes in the cabinets. Then I noticed the cabinets were overflowing and totally disorganized so I began rearranging the dishes in the cabinets. As I rearranged the dishes I noticed there were too many dishes in that cabinet so I began moving the dishes to another kitchen. Then, I began thinking it may be a good idea to match dishes and glassware. Then I noticed the flatware drawer was just as disorganized so I did the same thing with that. Then I noticed, then I noticed, then I noticed.....

After I washed the walls, placed the pens and pencils in one drawer and the menus in another and all the other stuff I now forgot I did, I finally finished cleaning that kitchen at 2am.

It took 6 hours to clean and organize a 8'x8' space!

During that time, something happened to me: I learned that I liked things clean and organized more than I hate doing the work to make it that way. I found that if I don't like doing something but I want the result, all I have to do is think about the result as I do it and the process that gets me my result becomes easier and can even be a joy because of the anxiously awaited outcome that's on the way.

To me, that means if I'm in a difficult situation with someone and I don't like what's happening, I can think about what I want to happen, be patient and loving with them (and myself) long enough and allow the Law of Attraction to create what I'm focusing on: creating a Loving interaction.

Or more.

I understood - for the first time - the phrase, "The Context is Decisive" because as soon as I shifted my attention, the chore became a joy. It became all about how can I do this better. I stopped complaining. I became generous by looking for how what I did would benefit others. I even thought that a sparkling environment would help people be in a better mood because they'd take on the characteristics of the kitchen - like how walking into a peaceful space helps us feel peaceful.

I saw that I could Love the process as well as the outcome of anything I choose.

I saw that Life is a series of processes and if I'm only looking for the end result I miss most of Life and by the time I get the outcome, it's already in the past.

In fact, the outcome is only as great as the process that led to it. We've all had results we've wanted and felt like, "Is that all there is to it?"

Now, all there is for me to do is to inspect myself around my context for doing anything.

If I can enjoy the process and enjoy the result, all I experience is enjoyment. That places me in complete control of my life, my relationships and my entire world.

I Love that!

TONYANDBETTY

2 weeks before my 16th birthday I went on a church sponsored bus trip to Rye Playland. My best friend and I made an agreement to “get girls’ phone numbers”. We were determined and committed!

So, as we were getting on the bus to go home (without a single number between us) I looked at him and said, “I’m gonna get a girls’ phone number before I go home tonight!” I don’t know if that was stupid or brave - probably both.

I had forgotten about the cute girl on the bus with the flannel shirt shyly sitting all by herself. (It was NOT cool back then for girls to be wearing flannel shirts.) I already knew just about everyone else on the bus so I sat with Betty and we just started talking. Within 45 minutes we both knew we were IN LOVE! As it turned out, the thing I most wanted - get a girls’ phone number - happened as soon as I stopped trying.

That was my 1st lesson: I don’t have to MAKE things happen if I just LET them happen.

We were inseparable for more than 3 years. We told each other EVERYTHING! We bought twin bicycles. I’d meet her after school and ride my bike alongside her bus so when she got off I was right there. She watched me play basketball and I went with her when she shopped with her Mom. On Christmas, she received more gifts from my family than I did. People called us, “TONYANDBETTY”. We went 3+ years without a single argument; there was nothing to argue over.

I learned that speaking my mind works wonders. We never worried about pouring our feelings out and expressing our likes or dislikes because we always respected it and never bit our tongue or took what was said as criticism. The more we shared, the more deeply we loved each other.

We used to walk the streets of Brooklyn holding hands as 1 of us closed our eyes and pretended to be blind while the other led so we can have the experience of trusting each other. We gave ourselves over to the other and never doubted the other for even 1 second. It was one of our many games. We Loved it.

That was my next lesson. If I trust completely and am not attached to a result I’ll never be disappointed even if things don’t go perfectly. And, my trust in her allowed her to trust me in a way that words could never provide.

One New Years Day, we woke up to an apartment so messy it was impossible to walk anywhere without kicking something aside for even 1 step. But, we didn’t care. Hungry and broke, we looked in the fridge, warmed up the remaining 4 slices of leftover pizza and ate it, washing it down with Johnnie Walker Black Label because that’s all we had to drink besides water.

Sitting at our kitchen table, we looked at each other and laughed at our ridiculous predicament until our stomachs cramped. All of a sudden, this amazing thing happened: we just started staring into each others’ eyes as deeply as is possible for 2 human beings. We looked INTO and THROUGH each other. And silently, we fell in Love - again.

In that moment, there were 2 people who didn’t need anything or want anything but the person in front of them, just the way they were.

It was the single most romantic moment of my life.

What I learned that day was that Love may APPEAR to be elusive but really, Love is something you let happen by being open to it - in the moment, fully present.

LOVE IS ALREADY, ALWAYS THERE.

We were together for almost 5 years. I assert that we never stopped being in Love even after my stupid self ended that perfectly good relationship.

Apparently, I still had some lessons to learn.

But, that’s another story.

I never said I was perfect.

Why Look at Life with Eyes of Love?

What kind of question is that?

Well, it’s the kind of question one would ask if they were committed to a life of personal happiness, fulfillment, freedom, joy - every feeling, experience and result they’ve always wanted. It’s the kind of question that has one be the author of their life rather than a victim of other people, circumstances or the world at large. It’s the kind of question someone would ask if they ever thought, “If life isn’t working for every single person, then how can life be working for me, really?”

Think about it - if my life is working but yours is not, I don’t have access to the benefit of your blessings and gifts and neither do you.

We have no idea how far along the Human Race could be if we had a culture where everyone wins or no one wins.

If I’m happy and you’re not I have 3 choices: help you be happy, leave you alone in your unhappiness or join you in being unhappy. If you can think of any other options let me know.

Here’s what I do know: only 1 of those options works for us both.

What does the question, “Why look at life with eyes of Love” mean?

It means looking for and seeing the love in every person, place, thing and especially every experience. It means consciously listening for the Love in every aspect of Life with our mind rather than just our ears. It means creating Love rather than waiting for Love to “descend” upon or “happen” to us. It means relating to “Love” as a Verb rather than an Adjective.

When I allow the people in my life to upset me, when I get disappointed by what they do or feel hurt by what just happened, I ask myself, “What’s great about what just happened?” or “What must that person be thinking that would make what they just did OK with them?”

I find that when I get annoyed by what people do, that person is either doing something I do and hate or they just gave me an opportunity to develop my patience and generosity further. When I take my attention off my feelings and look at the situation impersonally, I can see how I MIGHT (not definitely) benefit from what happened. It may be an opportunity for me to grow, be an example for that person to emulate or even to take care of them.

Those are things I can Love and things I can be thankful they provided me with.

When I view situations that way and respond appropriately, the person almost always appreciates that I was thoughtful and created a way for us both to benefit from being there together - in spite of what just happened. We can both experience Love for ourselves and each other.

For example, if someone keeps breaking promises, instead of reacting, I could have a conversation to find out why and give them an opportunity to speak their truth completely even if I don’t like what they say. I may find that I don’t speak clearly enough or there’s something going on in their life that’s so upsetting they can’t remember anything 5 minutes after it’s been said. Maybe they’re angry with me from something I did and I didn’t know it.

This is GREAT NEWS!! I’ve been given something that I can create Love and Appreciation with with that other person. I can take away both their upset and mine. All there is for me to do is find a solution so I can get what I want done. Or, I’ll know they can’t fulfill my request so I’ll stop asking them to do it. Either way I’ll both feel a lot better and be free of that upset from that point forward.

Looking for the benefit in an upsetting situation, not taking things personally, standing in another person’s shoes, listening to them fully, creating win-win solutions based on what was communicated and acknowledging them for giving their best is an excellent recipe for turning upsets into Loving moments.

When people discover their power to make any situation loving, they don’t want to waste their time living any other way.