TONYANDBETTY

2 weeks before my 16th birthday I went on a church sponsored bus trip to Rye Playland. My best friend and I made an agreement to “get girls’ phone numbers”. We were determined and committed!

So, as we were getting on the bus to go home (without a single number between us) I looked at him and said, “I’m gonna get a girls’ phone number before I go home tonight!” I don’t know if that was stupid or brave - probably both.

I had forgotten about the cute girl on the bus with the flannel shirt shyly sitting all by herself. (It was NOT cool back then for girls to be wearing flannel shirts.) I already knew just about everyone else on the bus so I sat with Betty and we just started talking. Within 45 minutes we both knew we were IN LOVE! As it turned out, the thing I most wanted - get a girls’ phone number - happened as soon as I stopped trying.

That was my 1st lesson: I don’t have to MAKE things happen if I just LET them happen.

We were inseparable for more than 3 years. We told each other EVERYTHING! We bought twin bicycles. I’d meet her after school and ride my bike alongside her bus so when she got off I was right there. She watched me play basketball and I went with her when she shopped with her Mom. On Christmas, she received more gifts from my family than I did. People called us, “TONYANDBETTY”. We went 3+ years without a single argument; there was nothing to argue over.

I learned that speaking my mind works wonders. We never worried about pouring our feelings out and expressing our likes or dislikes because we always respected it and never bit our tongue or took what was said as criticism. The more we shared, the more deeply we loved each other.

We used to walk the streets of Brooklyn holding hands as 1 of us closed our eyes and pretended to be blind while the other led so we can have the experience of trusting each other. We gave ourselves over to the other and never doubted the other for even 1 second. It was one of our many games. We Loved it.

That was my next lesson. If I trust completely and am not attached to a result I’ll never be disappointed even if things don’t go perfectly. And, my trust in her allowed her to trust me in a way that words could never provide.

One New Years Day, we woke up to an apartment so messy it was impossible to walk anywhere without kicking something aside for even 1 step. But, we didn’t care. Hungry and broke, we looked in the fridge, warmed up the remaining 4 slices of leftover pizza and ate it, washing it down with Johnnie Walker Black Label because that’s all we had to drink besides water.

Sitting at our kitchen table, we looked at each other and laughed at our ridiculous predicament until our stomachs cramped. All of a sudden, this amazing thing happened: we just started staring into each others’ eyes as deeply as is possible for 2 human beings. We looked INTO and THROUGH each other. And silently, we fell in Love - again.

In that moment, there were 2 people who didn’t need anything or want anything but the person in front of them, just the way they were.

It was the single most romantic moment of my life.

What I learned that day was that Love may APPEAR to be elusive but really, Love is something you let happen by being open to it - in the moment, fully present.

LOVE IS ALREADY, ALWAYS THERE.

We were together for almost 5 years. I assert that we never stopped being in Love even after my stupid self ended that perfectly good relationship.

Apparently, I still had some lessons to learn.

But, that’s another story.

I never said I was perfect.