What My Dad Taught Me About Love

My Dad’s name is Philip Anthony Vear Senior. He wanted to be called Tony his whole life. He thought Tony was so much cooler than Phil. So his friends called him ‘Fast Phil’ because he was the 1st one to start something - usually, trouble. He was and still is a true character.

But as a junior, I got to be called Tony. I’ve been Tony with family since I first came home from the hospital. Everywhere else I was Philip or Phil - right up until I participated in a seminar in 1999. While registering, they asked what name I like to be called. I wrote “Tony”. With a “Tony” name tag, people just meeting me knew me only as Tony. After 9 years, people are surprised to find out my given name is Philip. (how about you?)

Like most kids, I focused on all the things I thought were messed up about my Dad and had a running list I could pull up at a moment’s notice. (Not like anyone reading this ever did that.)

In 1999, I had a clothing store and my Dad worked with me there. I didn’t know squat but I was determined to be a successful businessman and he wanted to be a part of it. The man is PROUD of me, just because!!

In time, my inexperience was killing me. My business was sinking, savings disappearing and investments caught in the DOT.BOMB bubble burst. Other than that, everything was fine!!

I was visiting him at his home and told him about the situation.

I wanted him to help me stop the bleeding of my company. I wanted him to tell me what to do. I wanted him to tell me who I need to talk with to make everything better. I wanted him to give me money. I wanted him to tell me who to get money from. I wanted him to make me feel better. I wanted him TO DO SOMETHING!!

I WANTED HIM TO BE MY DAD!!

I screamed. I yelled. I cursed him out. I said, “You can’t do anything for me, can you? You never did anything for me. I can’t get advice. I can’t get money. I can’t get any of your friends to help me ‘cause your friends don’t know crap. What good are you?” I was brutal.

Then I raised my fist to hit him. My Dad is 5 inches shorter, 80 lbs lighter and 21 years older than me. It was not going to go well for him.

Just before I started to swing, I happened to look him deep in his eyes…and I was stunned.

He didn’t raise his hands. He didn’t even brace himself for it. He just stood there.

He was going to let me hit him.

He didn’t say a word. His eyes did all the talking.

They said, “Son, you’re right. I can’t do anything for you. I never really did. But I still love you. I love you so much, if you need to kill me right here to make things better I’ll gladly let you.”

My Dad was absolutely willing to give his life if it meant my happiness because that’s all he had to give.

In that eye locked instant, I stopped, looked and began crying - sobbing deeply and profusely. I then began telling him what was really bothering me about my life. I wasn’t really mad at him. I mean, I was, but not like that.

In that moment I realized 2 things. My Dad didn’t have anything to give me but Love - and that’s enough. And, you can’t look a person deeply in their eyes and not Love them. You just will.

When you look someone deeply in their eyes and do not resist, deflect or squirm, you see that person completely and you find that, to borrow a phrase I learned in a seminar, “Who they are is you, cleverly disguised as them.”

Love is always, already there. You just have to look for it.

Now, my Dad can do no wrong. He is so far from perfect the word may as well be on another planet. He talks too much. (look who’s talking! lol.) He’s got more problems than a U.S. President. But I don’t care - I know that in the bottom of his heart, from the beginning to the end of time, my Dad LOVES me. To me, that’s the greatest thing he’s ever given me.

And, it’s enough.